Life, the universe and everything... and sometimes nothing at all... which is still all of those things.
How bad is my distrust of people if I just equated my freakishly friendly grandparent neighbors with the elderly couple from Rosemary’s Baby?
…except they’d go out of their way to keep me from getting knocked up by anyone or anything…or even settling down…or “settling”… so weird.
I want to be fired. Like right now. I want to walk out of the building and never return. If I’m fired than there’s 0 guilt on my part, I can just fucking vacate the state and leave everyone in a lurch like they always leave me in and not bat a goddamn eye.
I’m insubordinate, rude, and I haven’t turned in my daily report (which no one ever reads but fuck if you don’t do one every goddamn day), in 8 months. I don’t care. I don’t want to be here. I do my work every day, the stuff that matters. Me doing my work is proof that I’m doing it, I don’t know why I’m supposed to list out every tiny stupid thing I’m doing. I won’t.
If I get fired I can just leave. It wouldn’t even be disgraceful for me to just pack up and move back home, they want me there and would rather me be there and unemployed than here and miserable.
I can’t quit, if I do that then I need a plan. I need to have another job and another place to live and lots of things need to go right. I’m too responsible to end my agony at this juncture. Which is sad because right now I’d suffer my 10th concussion than end my lunch break and go back to the phones, where I’m covering for a friend who NEVER FUCKING COMES TO WORK. I have covered for the bitch 15 times since Jan 1, that is inexcusable. Fuck her. Fuck this. Fuck them.
I’m feeling mentally stagnant.